It’s impossible to close all four drawers of Oooms’ horrifying Rebellious Cabinet at once. When closing one drawer, the one next to it will open a bit. Maddening!
The Rebellious Cabinet
Sure, you’d never buy this for yourself. But is there someone you hate enough that it would be worth paying 4500 Euros to drive them insane?
Missing out on first or second place by tenths of a point or hundredths of a second is bad enough. But now, bronze medal winners have another reason to be depressed – the medals themselves.
Apparently, the “gold” medals are actually 92.5% silver with gold plating. They’re valued at a bit over $500. The silver medals are also 92.5% silver, and worth about $300. But the bronze medals? Those are mostly copper, and they’re worth a paltry $3.40. Yes, three dollars and forty cents.
Speaking of the 2010 Olympic medals, some winners are apparently hoping to exchange theirs.
During the Super Bowl, E-Trade unveiled a new ad. In it, a boy is seen apologizing via video chat for not calling his girlfriend the previous night. The girlfriend is suspicious that he had another baby, a “milkaholic” named Lindsay, over, and sure enough, he did.
Now, Lindsay Lohan is suing E-Trade to get the ad removed from the airwaves. She’s also seeking monetary damages of $50 million in exemplary damages, plus another $50 million in compensatory damages.
Despite their legal claims, no one was talking about the baby being modeled after Lindsay Lohan. Now, in a perfect example of the Streisand Effect, everyone will be. What an idiot.
Lohan’s lawyer, Stephanie Ovadia, said the actress has the same single-name recognition as Oprah or Madonna.
No.
Meet Rusty:
Rusty is a 10-month old puppy up for adoption at the MSPCA, and he’s been selected as the Pet of the Week over at Bostonist.com. Rusty is a Dachshund mix whose owners can’t take care of him any longer. He’s already neutered, and will cost just $225 to adopt, plus the fees for training classes.
There’s also something very familiar about Rusty. I just can’t put my finger on it…
Holy shit it’s Dug! From Up! I have to go to the MSPCA this instant. Meanwhile, you enjoy this ridiculous side-by-side comparison.
In 1986, Paul Newman won a Best Actor Oscar for his role as Fast Eddie Felson in The Color Of Money. It’s widely held that this was the Academy’s way of correcting their mistake in not awarding him for a superior performance as the same character in the 1961 film The Hustler.
In 2010, many of the biggest winners actually received their awards to rectify similar oversights. In fact, the final five Oscars awarded were all consolation awards:Best Actress: Sandra Bullock as Leigh Anne Tuohy in The Blind Side
Why She Really Won: Her role as Angela Bennett in The Net.
Best Actor: Jeff Bridges as Bad Blake in Crazy Heart
Why He Really Won: His role as The Dude in The Big Lebowski.
Best Foreign Language Film: Argentina’s El Secreto de Sus Ojos (The Secret in Their Eyes)
Why It Really Won: The Falkland Islands.
Best Picture: The Hurt Locker
Why It Really Won: Atonement for the collective man-years lost by the people of the world sitting through Avatar.
Best Director: Kathryn Bigelow for The Hurt Locker
Why She Really Won: Her infinitely-superior film Point Break. Additionally, to really stick it to her ex-husband James Cameron, nominated in the same category for directing Avatar.
At some point, a urologist put together the idea of vasectomies and the NCAA tournament. In so doing, he created a ridiculous but apparently effective advertising campaign.
For three straight years, the Oregon Urology Institute has been pitching the idea that if you time your vasectomy right, you can use the recovery period to watch March Madness. One radio ad even advises guys to “take care of your equipment and lower your seed for the tournament”. Terrible. Just terrible.
The biggest problem I see is, what excuse will you use next year?
After a recent snowstorm, Elisa Gonzalez and her family created a snowman that was a bit more lifelike than average. This artful snowman, or snowwoman to be more accurate, looked much like the famous statue of Venus De Milo. Soon enough, however, the police arrived to follow up an anonymous complaint.
When the officer arrived, Gonzalez said, he was apologetic and appreciative of the snowlady and her assets. “He said, ‘It’s very good,’” Gonzalez recalled.
Despite his appreciation, the officer then asked the family to dress the snowlady. Nonplussed, they complied with a green bikini top and a blue sarong around her ample hips.
I’m not quite sure where the line should be, but this was far from pornographic or obscene. Hell, the snowwoman didn’t even have nipples, let alone anything south of the equator. I definitely have to agree with Ms. Gonzalez, who said, “She looked more objectified and sexualized after you put the bikini on”.
A PIN (or, redundantly, PIN Number) is a Personal Identification Number. It’s a simple password most commonly used to withdraw cash from an ATM (or, again redundantly, ATM Machine). Many people don’t know how to choose a good, or even truly great, PIN. Fortunately, One Foot Tsunami is here to help.
The first thing to consider when selecting a PIN is its length. Here, there’s always a trade-off between security and convenience. A PIN like 93725493629364012641274 is very secure, but not very convenient to enter. Conversely, a PIN like 7 is very convenient to enter, but not very secure. If you have a choice, you probably want a PIN that’s between 4 and 9 digits in length.
Ok, so you need a number that’s around 6 digits long. That may seem simple enough, but what many people fail to realize is that their PIN must also be memorable. At first glance, a PIN such as 763829 might seem appropriate – it’s a perfect 6 digits long, after all. But how the heck are you going to remember that? You won’t, because it’s a pile of crap.
When selecting your PIN, you need to make sure it’s something you’ll remember under even extreme stress, because you need to pay that pimp like right now and he doesn’t care how much you had to drink before you spent time with his ho, he just wants his goddamned money immediately, you miserable son of a bitch.
So, how do you select a PIN of the right length which is also memorable? Birthdays are a good place to start, but your own birthday is much too obvious. Instead, how about the October 7th, 1955 birthday of violin legend Yo Yo Ma? That yields a dexterous PIN of 10755. German Chancellor Angela Merkel is also a good choice. As everyone knows, her birthday is July 17th, 1954, which gives us the strong, musky-smelling PIN 71754.
Musicians and erotic foreign leaders aren’t your only options, however. Your pet’s birthday can also be a good source for your PIN. Of course, you probably don’t know your pet’s exact birthday. If that’s the case, you’ll need to just make one up. To ensure you’ll remember both the date and your associated PIN, you’ll want to plan a lavish party for your Alistair Fuzzypaws or little Miss Whiskers. Be sure to handwrite the date on calligraphed invitations for all the neighborhood pets, to enhance recall!
Perhaps you’re hoping for something with a bit more style and flair. If so, you’re in luck. First, there are retro PINs, such as 12345. This is commonly known as the Spaceballs PIN, and it dates back to 1987 and the film of the same name.
Maybe you’re after something a bit more modern, a bit more twenty-first century. In this case, there are Chic PINs for you. For something a bit trendier, allow me to suggest the very popular Bluetooth Pairing PIN, 0000.
Finally, for the swinging bachelor and the pubescent boy with his first ATM card alike, there are sexy PINs. These PINs will titillate, arose, and most assuredly never be forgotten. Perhaps the best of these is the grade-school classic 80085. Magnificent, isn’t it? Sadly, you won’t get to see its magnificence on the ATM screen, as it will be replaced with *****. But the machine will know. It will know, and it will appreciate your sensuality.
I hope this guide to the world of PIN (numbers) has helped you in your quest to select the perfect PIN. There are many styles to choose from, but the absolute most important thing when picking a PIN is that you believe in yourself. Selecting a good PIN is no different from performing open-heart surgery or sending a man to the moon. All it really requires is confidence.
I won’t make the cheap crack about how it’s easy to save up thousands of dollars to blow on an un-opened NES cartridge if you never take a girl out on a date (oops). Just take a look at this picture:
Original price: $29.99
New price: $41,300.
But hey, at least shipping was free.
I contemplated including this item in yesterday’s Winter Olympics WTFs, but really, no one should be surprised. If you put several thousand world-class athletes in a pen together, they start to get frisky.
That’s why the Vancouver organizers have laid in a stock of 100,000 condoms, which works out to 14 for each of the 7,000 athletes, coaches, trainers and officials housed in the Games’ two villages.
The distribution of free condoms at the Olympics goes back at least to 1992 and Barcelona. In 2000, Sydney organizers thought that 70,000 would be enough. They were wrong and had to send out for 20,000 more. Beijing also ordered 100,000 condoms with an Olympic motto: Faster, higher, stronger.
Even better, the U.S. Curling Association has their own brand of condom, “Hurry Hard” (a curling phrase used to encourage faster ice sweeping). Fantastic.
I applaud the encouragement of safe sex, but ‘Faster’? ‘Hurry’? Olympic athletes need to learn that some things shouldn’t be races.
Follow @PBones for more amusement
