NASA literally taped over the original moon landing videos. Now, a Hollywood company named Lowry Digital is restoring them and providing fuel for moon hoax conspiracy theorists for decades to come.
Archive for July, 2009
I Am Not a Good Reference
Thursday, July 16th, 2009
My good friends the Sheltons are moving out of Boston and I’d much rather they stayed. Despite their knowledge of this, they’ve foolishly used me as a reference on their rental applications. A sampling of what I’ve enthusiastically told callers thus far:
Oh, sure, the Sheltons are great neighbors! Do you like porn? Because they’ve got a comprehensive collection, and they’re very generous when it comes to sharing. They’ve got all kinds too. Women, men, midgets, goats, you name it.
For a recently-married couple, the amount of loud sex they have is probably only slightly above average!
If you ever need to borrow a power tool, the Sheltons will happily oblige. Just make sure you’ve got some bleach. OK, a lot of bleach.
They’re quiet, average folk who keep to themselves. They seem perfectly innocent and no one will ever suspect them of anything, until it’s much too late.
Sheltons? Never heard of ‘em!
I am not a good reference.
Googly Eyes: Subway Ads
Friday, July 10th, 2009
I put googly eyes on things. From photos to ads to inanimate objects, it’s all fair game. When it works, it comes out amusing, and often, creepy. See for yourself:
For maximum creepiness, click the images to enlarge!
Assorted Quotes from the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest
Sunday, July 5th, 2009
Commentator, reveling:
“You know what we’re seeing, is just a golden age of competitive eating.”
Contrasting American Joey Chestnut and Japanese Takeru Kobayashi:
“A much more physical eater, [Chestnut]‘s a workaday guy. He’s a blue-collar eater, he just pounds that food down. It’s more like a ballet when you see Kobayashi.”
On the rivalry between Kobayashi and Chestnut:
“This is Lakers – Celtics!”
Joey Chestnut, on why he didn’t quite reach his goal of 70 HDBs (hot dogs and buns):
“The buns were a little bit slow today.”
Question posed to Joey Chestnut:
“At what point did you say, ‘I think I’ve got a world record in my belly’?”
On Joey Chestnut retaining the championship for America:
“I don’t moisturize and I don’t watch Gossip Girl. But I’m very emotional right now, as an American.”
Results of an Email on My Condo Mailing List, Regarding Anonymous Dog Poop Left in a Public Space
Friday, July 3rd, 2009
Denial despite no direct accusation (“It wasn’t me“).
Assurance mixed with horror (“I would never do such a thing”).
Suggestion that this may in fact be goose poop, from local geese.
Guarantee, from the original poop-spotter, that he knows the difference between dog poop and goose poop, thank you very much.
Demands for community standards, signs, and fines for rule breakers.
A continuation of my own gradual disillusionment with the world and everyone in it.
Food & Sex
Thursday, July 2nd, 2009
A beginner’s guide to the introduction of food into sex:
Good: Chocolate sauce
Bad: Relish
Good: Strawberries
Bad: Apples
Good: Whipped cream
Bad: Sour cream
Transformers 2 FAQ
Wednesday, July 1st, 2009
This is the single greatest FAQ I’ve ever read. Transformers 2 sounds epically bad, so bad that I want to see it.
