One Foot Tsunami: December 2009

Archive for December, 2009

Real or Fake?

Tuesday, December 29th, 2009

For years, I've enjoyed a game with some friends called "Real or The Onion?". To play, one person presents a headline or story and everyone else must decide if this is an actual story or merely a fabrication by that excellent humor site The Onion. Invariably, these stories are in fact real, but sound as if they belong in The Onion. I suppose it's not really much of a game, so much as a pithier name for "the activity of linking to articles that should be fake, but are in actuality real".

Now, however, I've decided to turn it into more of a game. Without only a little more ado, allow me to present the first edition of "Real or Fake?". To play, just read a headline or story summary below, then decide if you think it's a real story from a proper news site or a fake, from somewhere like The Onion.

Once you've made your pick, find out the truth by highlighting the hidden answer text with your mouse. If you find yourself intrigued, or if you think I'm a filthy liar, click the link to read the full story. Now, let's play!

So Is It…Real or Fake?

Britain Warned by Iran's Foreign Minister That It Will "Get Slapped in the Mouth" if It Does Not "Stop the Nonsense".

Answer: Real [Link]
December Named National Awareness Month

Answer: Fake [Link]
Man in Diabetic Coma Tasered 11 Times by Cops for Being Unresponsive

Answer: Real [Link]
Escaped Convict Continues to Update Facebook

Answer: Real [Link]
Afghan Presidential Election A Celebration Of All Forms Of Government

Answer: Fake [Link]

How'd you do? Shut up, no one cares. But if you find your own ridiculous "Should be fake, but it's real" headline or story, send it my way.

Ted Wilson Reviews the World

Monday, December 28th, 2009

Ted Wilson is on a mission. He's reviewing the world, one item at a time. From porcupines to a hat his nephew found on the bus, it's all fair game. This week, it's Avatar:

To begin, the film is so phenomenal that when you arrive at the theater, no seats will be available because a group of teenagers will have bought tickets to a film that wasn’t sold out (Old Dogs) so they can sneak into Avatar. Their enthusiasm for the film’s awesomeness won’t be to blame, the awesomeness will be.

I can't wait for next week – he's reviewing grapesauce!

Photoshop Disaster by Victoria's Secret

Sunday, December 27th, 2009

The obvious flaw in the Victoria's Secret version of the photo, namely the still-present handles of a now-missing handbag, is just the beginning. It's amazing, and more than a little disgusting, just how much manipulation this image has undergone. For more information, see the follow-up as well, written after Victoria's Secret revised the image.

Things I Learned at My Local Sporting Goods Store

Wednesday, December 23rd, 2009

It's not sporting to play with things like footballs or hockey pucks, which aren't sold at this sporting goods store. It is sporting to shoot guns and crossbows, which are sold here.
If man-made nest boxes are available, wood ducks will gladly use them.
The Remington Model 887™ Nitro Mag is an armor-glad warrior for the most extreme conditions on earth.
Go on, shoot them right in their feathery little faces!
In total, the free 2010 calendar provided by Remington with all purchases features 12 different pictures of majestic animals that customers will enjoy killing.
They will brook no "Happy Holidays" in my local sporting goods store, where I was wished an emphatic "Merry Christmas". They're going to win that damned war on Christmas, one customer at a time.

Holiday Cards In Decline

Tuesday, December 22nd, 2009

Apparently, the sending of holiday cards has dropped this year, and Peg Willingham's quote (seen in the caption) is pure gold.

"A lot of my friends aren't sending real cards this year" said Peg Willingham. "I suspect every year it will decline, just like the rest of Western civilization."

One Snap, One Ad

Tuesday, December 22nd, 2009

Following up on yesterday's post about Avatar's massive advertising campaign, more encroachment by advertising can be found in Madden 2010. This additional advertising came as part of a bug fix update to the game – nice.

Every time I see something like this, I'm reminded of a quote from the Fishful of Dollars episode of Futurama:

Fry: So you're telling me they broadcast commercials into people's dreams?

Leela: Of course.

…

Fry: That's awful. It's like brainwashing!

Leela: Didn't you have ads in the 20th century?

Fry: Well, sure, but not in our dreams. Only on TV and radio. And in magazines. And movies. And at ball games, and on buses, and milk cartons, and T-shirts, and bananas, and written on the sky. But not in dreams. No, sir-ee!

HP Face-Tracking Webcams Don't Recognize Black People

Tuesday, December 22nd, 2009

Oops? As noted in one of the article's comments, life is imitating art here. Have a read of this scene from the Racial Sensitivities episode of Better Off Ted, where they're discussing motion sensors:

Ted: The system doesn't see black people?

Veronica: I know. Weird, huh?

Ted: That's more than weird, Veronica. That's basically, well… racist.

Veronica: The company's position is that it's actually the opposite of racist, because it's not targeting black people. It's just ignoring them. They insist the worst people can call it is "indifferent."

Ted: Well, they know it has to be fixed, right? Please…at least say they know that.

Veronica: Of course they do, and they're working on it. In the meantime they'd like everyone to celebrate the fact that it sees Hispanics, Asians, Pacific Islanders, and Jews.

A Horrifying Realization

Monday, December 21st, 2009

Avatar is everywhere right now. It opened this past weekend in thousands of theaters and took the number one spot at the box office. But while it just opened to wide release, it's been annoying me for several months. A large part of this dislike stems from the many places I've seen Avatar:

Multiple movie trailers
Innumerable TV ads, for both the movie and associated products like the Avatar video game
Seemingly every print and film media publication
Other commercials

In fact, it would probably be easier to provide a list of places I haven't seen Avatar:

A movie theater

Sure, I've heard some good things and I may see the movie eventually. The point here, however, is that the advertising campaign associated with this movie is just massive. The strangest part about it is the last item on the list of places Avatar has appeared: other commercials.

I first noticed this before a Simpsons re-run. A simple animation of Bart was shown, while the announcer said something along the lines of "See Avatar in theaters. But first, see The Simpsons next". These were two wholly unrelated things, oddly smashed together by one awkward voiceover.

Next up, I saw Avatar in this LG ad. Watch it if you like; the short version is that a man is showing off his projector cell phone [Editor's Note: Ah…ha.] by playing a trailer for Avatar. The commercial then focuses on the phone, before showing an "Avatar: Only in theaters" frame near the end.

What's really set me off, however, is this nonsensical McDonald's ad. Again, you can click to watch. The gist is that the audio from the ad, played over alternating scenes of Avatar and people clutching McDonald's food, advises us to "Celebrate a taste like no other with a movie like no other. Bite into Avatar at McDonald's and prepare to be thrilled".

What?!

It was as I was ranting and raving about this stupidity, that I was hit with a horrifying revelation. I don't know how I'll go on from this, and it's so bad that I'm not even sure if I should share it with others. I think it's best if we at least face reality, however.

That reality is that this is product placement. It's product placement inside another commercial. They've finally run out of places to insert ads into content. And so, it's come to this:

They're putting ads inside of ads.