Since he was a child, Martin Kolber had been told by his parents that the painting hanging over their fireplace was a real Michelangelo. His family “never had the time to document its history”, however, so it simply hung on their wall and later sat hidden behind a couch.

Now, art historians are paying attention, with some believing the painting really is the work of Michelangelo. If so, it could be worth hundreds of millions of dollars.

Kober says his years of research on the painting were worth it. “With my chemical makeup as a retired fighter pilot and triathlon athlete, I wasn’t going to give up on this. If you quit, you go home with nothing.”

Yes. It took just 7 years since his retirement and an entire life of “not having enough time”, but he finally did it.

This article’s headline, “Cop Blocks Bike Lane To Ticket Cyclists For Not Using Lane”, actually downplays the stupidity at work here. A more accurate headline would be “Cop Blocks Bike Lane, Then Tickets Cyclists For Not Using Lane”.

Also, blocking a bike lane with a car is probably ticketable offense, right?

When I read about the possibility of a Family Circus movie, I cracked a joke:

A live-action Family Circus movie? Who would go see that?

Not Me.

Of course, the trouble with that joke is that it betrays a too-deep knowledge of Bil Keane’s awful, awful comic. Self-immolation is obviously the only option, but before I go, I need to point out the saddest fact revealed by the article. It’s not that a movie is going to be made, but that producer-to-be John Baldecchi spent two years wearing down the resistant Keanes.

This story brought to you by the Department of Apt Names.

Two parents in North Carolina are in hot water, after their 11-year-old son took their marijuana to school and reported them for drug use.

“I don’t give drugs to my kids,” the father told us when we went to his house.

When we asked him how his kid got ahold of his drugs, [the father] replied, “That’s no one’s business.”

Well, it’s probably the police’s business.

The source for this story was a site dedicated to homeschooling. You’d think they might use this opportunity to point out that when homeschooled kids turn in their parents’ illegal drugs to the teacher, the police don’t show up.

In the Mexican town of Guadalupe, drug violence has claimed the lives of many, including the mayor who was murdered in June, as well as police officers and security agents who have also been killed. The drug trade has such violent control of the entire area that when it came time to appoint a new police chief, there was very little interest in the position. In fact, only one person accepted the job as the new director of municipal public security: a 20 year old criminology student.

Marisol Valles is now in charge of the security for the town of 10,000, and its lone police patrol car. She’s got her work cut out for her, as in the last week alone there have been eight murders. Wish her luck, because it seems likely she’s going to need it.

Always back up your data, because if your computer is ever stolen, it’s unlikely your thief will be as considerate as this one.

From tiny rabbits to foolish ones, it’s all rabbit news, all the time here at One Foot Tsunami. Apparently, Denver International Airport is home to more than a few rabbits of its own. They may look cute, but these bunnies are apparently also deadly to recent cars. Many newer cars use a soy-based compound in their wiring, a compound rabbits and rodents are feasting upon.

When rabbits are eating our cars to death, one is forced to ask “What the hell is going on in the world?”.