One Foot Tsunami: March 2011

Archive for March, 2011

If It Ain’t Broke, Reboot

Thursday, March 31st, 2011

Comic book movies have been big business for a decade or two now, but most of the films based on superheroes have been mediocre at best. Perhaps the very best comic book adaptations have been Christopher Nolan’s two excellent Batman films, Batman Begins and The Dark Knight. They’ve been consistently well-reviewed, and currently both sit in the IMDB top #250 films of all time, at #113 and #10 respectively.

It’s thus somewhat surprising to read that even as Nolan’s third Batman movie is in production, Warner Brothers is stating that they plan to “reboot” the Batman franchise to better fit the character into their future Justice League movie. Nolan and his team obviously know what they’re doing, creating both profitable and excellent movies, so it’s painful to see that excellent work be tossed aside. As expressed over at TG Daily:

They should force Nolan’s current Batman into the Justice League, even if he doesn’t quite blend at the edges. Planning to reboot his story again while the final film of his current trilogy isn’t even in production yet is just silly.

Well-put.

False Alarm Scares The Hell Out Of Everyone

Wednesday, March 30th, 2011

While testing their emergency alert system, the University of Illinois sent out an erroneous alert to 87,000 devices. The vaguely worded alert read:

“Active shooter at BUILDING NAME/INTERSECTION. Escape area if safe to do so or shield/secure your location.”

The biggest problem here is their 12 minute delay in sending a follow-up, but another issue is the unspecified location. Thanks to that, everyone who got the alert had the thrill of being terrified, no matter where they were.

Yakuza to the Rescue

Tuesday, March 29th, 2011

Japan’s infamous organized crime network is apparently providing trucks full of relief supplies throughout their disaster-struck country, and have provided over $500,000 worth of assistance. Commenting on the efforts, freelance writer and “yakuza antagonizer” gave their motives the benefit of the doubt.

“Rather than a PR effort, I think it’s actually good intentions,” said Mizoguchi, who has angered the yakuza so much that he has been stabbed twice in attacks by gang members.

If you can get a guy you stabbed two different times to vouch for you, you’re probably doing something pretty good.

A Man for All Seasons

Monday, March 28th, 2011

It’s been almost two years since this blog last discussed Nicholas Cage. After a recent overview of his career matrix, I realized that Mr. Cage has played more than his share of “men” on the silver screen. For your edification, I’ve produced a compendium on the subject.

A List of the Various Types of “Man” Nicholas Cage Has Been:

Wicker
The Wicker Man Artwork

Film: The Wicker Man [Link]
Year: 2006
Quote: “OH, NO! NOT THE BEES! NOT THE BEES! AAAAAHHHHH! OH, THEY’RE IN MY EYES! MY EYES! AAAAHHHHH! AAAAAGGHHH!”
Note: The “alternate ending” for this movie deletes a scene to end the film earlier, which is incredibly confusing when trying to determine what’s different. It also increases the terribleness quotient by cramming the same amount of awful into a shorter film.

Weather
The Weather Man Artwork

Film: The Weather Man [Link]
Year: 2005
Quote: “I think they make car tires out of camel toes.”

Matchstick
A Matchstick Man Artwork

Film: A Matchstick Man [Link]
Year: 2003

Family
The Family Man Artwork

Film: The Family Man [Link]
Year: 2000
Note: I haven’t seen it, but it certainly looks hilarious.

In Red Sports Car (Uncredited)
Never On Tuesday Artwork

Film: Never On Tuesday [Link]
Year: 1988
Quote: None, as its IMDB page has no quotes section.
Note: If the lack of a quotes section alone isn’t enough to tell you this film is a stinker, the image seen above is the largest artwork I could find. Also, it’s only available on VHS.

So there it is, a complete list of the various types of “man” Nicholas Cage has portrayed in film. All this Nicholas Cage and you still want more? Enjoy this ten-second clip from The Wicker Man¹.

Footnotes:

And of course, archived here. ↩

Hideaki Akaiwa: Supreme Badass

Friday, March 25th, 2011

After the double-whammy of an earthquake and a tsunami hit Japan, Hideaki Akaiwa knew he had to rescue his wife. And his mother. And maybe more. So he strapped on a scuba suit, and did just that.

Hideaki Akaiwa
Hideako Akaiwa fears no natural disaster.

Money Quotes: Animal Edition

Thursday, March 24th, 2011

Look, up in the sky! It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s money quotes from the news!

First up, the tale of a dog named Maggie. While out for a walk with her owner, Maggie decided to chase some birds. When she chased them onto some thin ice, the birds flew off. Maggie…did not.

Instead, a team of firedudes used a surfboard to rescue her. About the rueful Maggie, Fire Chief of Operations Jack Gelinas said:

“The dog was wet and cold, but she’ll be around to chase more birds — that’s not so great for the birds, I guess,”

Meanwhile, a goose was not so smart when it came to icy waters, and found himself frozen in a Saugus pond. Animal rescue technicians eventually rescued this bird, and reported on his condition:

“He’s eating, he’s drinking. He’s doing everything he’s supposed to be doing,” said Vogal. “And defecating. Lots and lots of defecating.”

And finally, a caption-based quote. Awhile back, the always-great Big Picture blog featured a terrific collection of animal photos.

Cat and Squirrel

Part of the caption accompanying this amazing photo?

“Cat and squirrel parted without incident”.

It’s Not a Change Purse!

Wednesday, March 23rd, 2011

After crashing her car, Karin Mackaliunas was detained for possession of heroin found in her jacket. At the police station, she told investigators she had more hidden in her vagina.

A doctor performed a search and recovered 54 bags of heroin, 31 empty bags used to package heroin, prescription pills and $51.22.

And 22 cents!

QR Codes Aren’t

Tuesday, March 22nd, 2011

Recently, Comcast sent a letter promoting their Xfinity.tv site, which enables subscribers to watch TV shows from their computers. Showing off just how high-tech they’ve become, part of their letter also included a QR code. If you’re not familiar, QR codes are bar codes which can be scanned by mobile phones (and other devices). The scanner will then decode the code and show relevant information. This is Comcast’s QR code:

QR Code
“It’ll be simple!”, the letter lied.

This QR code promised to show a demo of the Xfinity service. Having never used a QR code before, I decided to give it a shot. In my experience, these are the steps needed to use the QR code:

Step 1: Download a free QR reader (iTunes Link: QRReader) to your iPhone.

Step 2: Snap a picture of the QR code.

Step 3: Wait…wait…wait.

Step 4: Thinking it’s stalled somehow, quit the app. See a flash of a result, just as you quit.

Step 5: Utter a mild epithet, then launch and try again.

Step 6: Wait…wait…wait.

Step 7: Finally get a result. An untappable, uncopyable result.

QRReader screen
This is not terribly useful.

Step 8: Click the Details button and get a new screen. Become filled with false hope at the site of the Launch button. Tap it.

QRReader screen
Why would I “Share” this?

Step 9: Get sent back to the original screen.

Step 10: Contemplate just typing in this pathetic URL.

Step 11: Realize that avoiding doing so is the sole point of this QR code.

Step 12: Mutter “Useless!” loudly, and delete “QRReader” from your phone and your life.

Step 13: Download a second, less crappy QR reader (iTunes Link: Scan).

Step 14: Scan and get a relatively fast result.

Step 15: Watch 23 seconds of the resulting movie before realizing you don’t actually care anyway.

Granted, twelve of those steps could have been skipped with better luck, and things would be faster the second time around. Still, QR codes are a whole lot of work just to get a simple web address, especially if you know YouTube offers shortened URLs. This particular movie, for instance, can be reached at http://youtu.be/sshEnDe8tCo. Sure, if you’re a monkey pecking at a keyboard, it would likely take decades to get there. For the rest of us, however, it’s a much faster way to get to those important promotional videos.

Perhaps the best part of this whole fiasco? The “QR” in “QR code” stands for “Quick Response”.

It Might Make a Good Notebook

Monday, March 21st, 2011

Shed Simove turned an easy joke into a best-seller, with his book What Every Man Thinks About Apart From Sex. You can have a read, right now:

ALT NAME

That’s right, it’s 200 blank pages. So what’s Simove’s next project?

Behind the success of “What Every Man Thinks About Apart From Sex”, Simove says he plans to follow up with the sequel, “Reasons to Trust Politicians”.

Richard Feynman Interviews at Microsoft

Friday, March 18th, 2011

Over on his blog, Eric Lippert makes an amusing attempt at answering the question “How well would the late Nobel-Prize-winning physicist Dr. Richard P. Feynman do in a technical interview at a software company?”.

Lippert’s piece is actually a sequel to one done in 2003 by Keith Michaels, which is also quite good.

Finally, if you haven’t read Feynman’s books Surely You’re Joking, Mr. Feynman! and the follow-up What Do You Care What Other People Think?, you don’t know what you’ve been missing.