It seems US Marines are getting awfully cocky lately. It all began in June, when Sergeant Scott Moore posted a brief YouTube video (from Afghanistan) asking actress Mila Kunis to his Marine Corps ball in November. After Justin Timberlake cajoled Kunis into accepting, he received his own invitation from Corporal Kelsey De Santis in Quantico, for her Washington, D.C. ball. True to their word, both Timberlake and Kunis did attend their respective balls in November.

While these Marines likely didn't imagine their requests would lead to anything more than a friendly date, it did work out to at least that, and perhaps more. One has to assume this is not the case for the bold Lance Corporal Aaron Leeks, who recently asked out Michelle Obama. As in, the wife of Leeks' ultimate boss, President and commander-in-chief Barack Obama.

Aaron Leeks asks out his boss's wife

This may not be the worst idea ever, but it's up there. If you're going to try to steal another man's woman, that man probably shouldn't have the authority to order you into incredibly dangerous combat situations. Just, ya know, as a general rule.

Much like the digestive system of your humble author, One Foot Tsunami is closed the week of December 12th-16th, 2011. Emergency hospitalization and subsequent appendix removal surgery led to an inability to write. Stay tuned next week, when OFT intends to resume its standard publishing schedule.

Following weeks of negotiations between players and owners, things look bleaker than ever for the 2011-2012 NBA season. In fact, the players have now walked away from the negotiations and decided to take the owners to court. As part of that action, they've disbanded their union, the National Basketball Players Association. Their website has been updated to reflect this:

NBPA.com Screenshot (November 16th, 2011)

Ultimately, the fans are getting screwed no matter who wins. If nothing else though, you've got to give the webmaster for the NBPA credit for adding a bit of levity to the whole situation.

Since they launched in 2008, recently-public company Groupon¹ has popularized the idea of local daily deals. That business model has been taken up by dozens of different companies in the past few years, leading to thousands of local deals every day. With that sort of volume, the deals can't all be gems. Here are some of the crappier deals I've seen.

Pregame Early for BC vs FSU at MySportsRug.com

Sure! Grab some beers, fire up the grill, and pre-game for a college football game with the purchase of a rug.

$12 for Two Boxes of Sleep-Enhancing Snack Bars

What the what? Sleep-enhancing snack bars? Yes, on their site, the company states NightFood "provides nutrition for better sleep". They also say it "helps fuel the important processes that take place in the brain and body while you sleep" and claim that the chocamine and melatonin in each bar "help you quiet your mind and fall asleep more quickly".

Of course, their site is also required to note that those statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration.

$20 for $40 worth of dinner at Sushi Yoshi

Yoshi? Like, Yoshi Yoshi?

This Yoshi?

Yoshis are dinosaurs. Or possibly dragons. They may be part-bird. But a Yoshi is definitely not a fish! They've got arms. And legs. With boots!² You can't make sushi out of a Yoshi.

Half Off Laser Surgery at Sheth-Horsley Eye Center

"Half off Laser Eye Surgery" sounds less like a daily deal, and more like the makings of a medical malpractice lawsuit. Maybe it's just me, but when lasers are going to be used to cut my eyeballs, I'd rather pay a premium than get a discount.

Up to 60% Off Large Pizza at Domino's Pizza

Paying 40 cents on the dollar would ordinarily be incredible deal. Ordinarily.

Footnotes:

1. The only Ponzi scheme you can buy stock in!   ↩

2. Little-known fact: Baby yoshis hatch from their shells fully clad in their fancy footwear.   ↩

Peevish former Oasis guitarist Noel Gallagher has apparently decided to endorse an Adidas shoe, possibly to help further his solo career alongside the release of an upcoming solo album. With some rocking sellouts previously seen on this site, enthusiasm was part of the package. Noel, however, seems to be offering a different take on the whole "celebrity endorsement" concept.

Not Exactly Ringing

That's an official promotional image from Adidas, which would make you think it's the best they could get. One can only imagine the awfulness of those photos they opted to discard. I bet we could learn a lot from those pictures. For example, a whole new repertoire of obscene gestures!

The shoes themselves look nice enough, yet even the cartoon Noel seen on the tongue refuses to smile. Ultimately, one must wonder if this supposed "endorsement" is hiding something much more sinister than a mere cranky pop star. Thus, two very important questions must be asked: "Has anyone seen Noel Gallagher lately?" and "How do you report a corporation for abduction and blackmail?"

Headlines aren't always dumb – sometimes, they're amusing. Such was the case for this puntastic article:

Moving Horses Long Distances Makes Them Faster as Scientists Discover 'Jet Nag'

Apparently, horses get the opposite of jet lag, which makes me wish I were more like a horse. I'd probably regret that decision the first time I sprained an ankle though.

Other times, headlines are so badly in need of editing that it results in hilarity:

Anti-Wall Street Protesters March From NYC to San Francisco

Wow, a march from New York City all the way to San Francisco? That will be an incredibly journey, and a fascinat-oh, it's distinct marches, in multiple cities? Well that's just terrible writing.

This, however, is wonderful:

Letter 'G' Goes Missin at Scrabble Championship

[Sic]. Fantastic.

One of the major new features of the new iPhone 4S is Siri, an integrated assistant which can help with all manner of tasks. After speaking into the phone, Siri will respond with everything from nearby businesses to weather or traffic reports, and much more. There's been no shortage of posts detailing Siri's comedic responses, but I recently discovered her dark side. It seems that Siri can be one cold bitch.

I began by testing how she might have helped back in March:

That's not exactly helpful. Let's try another:

Your surprise is perhaps intended as a compliment, Siri, but perhaps you could be of a bit more assistance?

Now that's just hilariously inappropriate. But requiring a liver transplant isn't an issue fraught with immediacy. How about something where every second counts?

Well, thanks for giving it a go. Of course, apologetically throwing in the towel after one try while I lay exsanguinating in a dimly-lit alley isn't exactly going to be viewed as top-notch service. One more attempt?

Sooner or later, the last words some poor bastard hears are going to be Siri's robotic-yet-still-somehow-smarmy "Is that so?".

I don't remember modeling for a dreadlocked pirate hat made by Rasta Imposta and sold on Amazon, all while inexplicably shirtless and sporting an awful horseshoe mustache.

But if I did suddenly find myself in that situation, this would be the exact look on my face.

Update (October 24th, 2011): I try not to post items on One Foot Tsunami where you actually need to know me, but this was just too good. If you've never met your humble author, this picture will help:

[Click to enlarge]