It’s impossible to close all four drawers of Oooms’ horrifying Rebellious Cabinet at once. When closing one drawer, the one next to it will open a bit. Maddening!

The Rebellious Cabinet

Sure, you’d never buy this for yourself. But is there someone you hate enough that it would be worth paying 4500 Euros to drive them insane?

Missing out on first or second place by tenths of a point or hundredths of a second is bad enough. But now, bronze medal winners have another reason to be depressed – the medals themselves.

Apparently, the “gold” medals are actually 92.5% silver with gold plating. They’re valued at a bit over $500. The silver medals are also 92.5% silver, and worth about $300. But the bronze medals? Those are mostly copper, and they’re worth a paltry $3.40. Yes, three dollars and forty cents.

Speaking of the 2010 Olympic medals, some winners are apparently hoping to exchange theirs.

During the Super Bowl, E-Trade unveiled a new ad. In it, a boy is seen apologizing via video chat for not calling his girlfriend the previous night. The girlfriend is suspicious that he had another baby, a “milkaholic” named Lindsay, over, and sure enough, he did.

Now, Lindsay Lohan is suing E-Trade to get the ad removed from the airwaves. She’s also seeking monetary damages of $50 million in exemplary damages, plus another $50 million in compensatory damages.

Despite their legal claims, no one was talking about the baby being modeled after Lindsay Lohan. Now, in a perfect example of the Streisand Effect, everyone will be. What an idiot.

Lohan’s lawyer, Stephanie Ovadia, said the actress has the same single-name recognition as Oprah or Madonna.

No.

At some point, a urologist put together the idea of vasectomies and the NCAA tournament. In so doing, he created a ridiculous but apparently effective advertising campaign.

For three straight years, the Oregon Urology Institute has been pitching the idea that if you time your vasectomy right, you can use the recovery period to watch March Madness. One radio ad even advises guys to “take care of your equipment and lower your seed for the tournament”. Terrible. Just terrible.

The biggest problem I see is, what excuse will you use next year?

After a recent snowstorm, Elisa Gonzalez and her family created a snowman that was a bit more lifelike than average. This artful snowman, or snowwoman to be more accurate, looked much like the famous statue of Venus De Milo. Soon enough, however, the police arrived to follow up an anonymous complaint.

When the officer arrived, Gonzalez said, he was apologetic and appreciative of the snowlady and her assets. “He said, ‘It’s very good,’” Gonzalez recalled.

Despite his appreciation, the officer then asked the family to dress the snowlady. Nonplussed, they complied with a green bikini top and a blue sarong around her ample hips.

I’m not quite sure where the line should be, but this was far from pornographic or obscene. Hell, the snowwoman didn’t even have nipples, let alone anything south of the equator. I definitely have to agree with Ms. Gonzalez, who said, “She looked more objectified and sexualized after you put the bikini on”.

I won’t make the cheap crack about how it’s easy to save up thousands of dollars to blow on an un-opened NES cartridge if you never take a girl out on a date (oops). Just take a look at this picture:

Original price: $29.99
New price: $41,300.
But hey, at least shipping was free.

I contemplated including this item in yesterday’s Winter Olympics WTFs, but really, no one should be surprised. If you put several thousand world-class athletes in a pen together, they start to get frisky.

That’s why the Vancouver organizers have laid in a stock of 100,000 condoms, which works out to 14 for each of the 7,000 athletes, coaches, trainers and officials housed in the Games’ two villages.

The distribution of free condoms at the Olympics goes back at least to 1992 and Barcelona. In 2000, Sydney organizers thought that 70,000 would be enough. They were wrong and had to send out for 20,000 more. Beijing also ordered 100,000 condoms with an Olympic motto: Faster, higher, stronger.

Even better, the U.S. Curling Association has their own brand of condom, “Hurry Hard” (a curling phrase used to encourage faster ice sweeping). Fantastic.

I applaud the encouragement of safe sex, but ‘Faster’? ‘Hurry’? Olympic athletes need to learn that some things shouldn’t be races.

When Steve Jobs personally called Woodstock, Georgia native Louie Sulcer to tell him he’d won Apple’s iTunes Store 10 Billion Song Sold contest, Sulcer first thought was that he was being pranked.

The picture on the Rolling Stone article, while unrelated, is perfect.

To be fair to Sulcer, Steve Jobs and Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak were notorious prank phone callers back in the 70s, abusing the Bell phone system with blue boxes.

A ‘pizzacone’ seems like an idea that’s both interesting and disturbing. It’s popular enough that I can’t really consider it a Ridiculous Product.

The dough cones are shipped to Pinto daily from a Connecticut bakery, and each Pizzacone is made to order at the counter; you tell them what ingredients to add, and then it’s cooked in the oven for five minutes.

The result, according to one early guinea pig, is as convenient as it is delicious.

Reports don’t indicate that it’s the case, but I can’t help imagining that the middle of one of these is nothing but a lake of fire.

Update: I’ve just been pointed to this K!Pizzacone unboxing video, as well as the information that there are two sizes: K! and K!!. It’s unclear how the hell one orders that.

Prior to the Olympics, the world record holder for distance at Vancouver’s Whistler normal ski jump was American Lindsey Van. In 2009, Van jumped 105.5 meters.

Van didn’t get to defend this in the 2010 Olympics, however. While Lindsey may be a unisex name, Olympic ski jumping isn’t a unisex sport, and Lindsey is a woman. There is no women’s ski jumping in the Olympics, and women can’t compete with the men.

As you can see from the individual results, just two men beat Van’s record. The linked Time article goes into detail about why the IOC has chosen not to have the event, but no amount of explanation can change one simple fact:

The world record holder for Vancouver’s jump was ineligible to compete, solely because of her gender. That’s not right.