Spot the Swine

While some people might find humor in the news story, Sheets and Pallito said, it comes at the expense of Vermont taxpayers.

First, if the police get duped and then feel the need to pay to correct their mistake, it seems like they should somehow cover that cost themselves. But second, at a replacement cost of $780, the bill comes to about 1/10 of a cent per resident. That's actually quite a bargain.

A New York airport screener who removed two pipes from a traveler's bag and set them aside Monday morning prompted a security scare six hours later when the next shift saw the pipes and feared they might be pipe bombs, local and federal officials said.

…

Several law enforcement sources told CNN the objects were determined to be homeopathic medical devices.

If we're really being fair to the TSA though, a lone pipe is just a highly diluted form of a bomb.

According to a company release, Springfield Nuclear Power Plant owner Mr. Burns is “as bold and direct as one would expect.” Example: “Take the third right. Do it, driving monkey!”

Also available are the Simpson parents. It doesn't seem like a great idea to have Homer Simpson telling you where to go, but Marge is pretty dependable.

Because when people think “simple”, they think “Windows”.

Empty cages didn’t inspire rats to learn how to open the door nearly as well as those who were motivated to rescue a trapped rat. By the end of the experiment, only five of 40 rats learned to open an empty cage, while 23 of 30 rats learned to open the cage to free an occupant. (And trapped stuffed animals fared no better than empty cages.)

What Russian city used to be called St. Petersburg and Petrograd?

If you said “Uhh…St. Petersburg?”, I'm sorry, you're wrong.

It's Leningrad. The correct answer is Leningrad.

It features a rust-proof bottom.

It works pretty well.

Oh sweet unholy Uranus, what in the hell is that?

For more insanity, Gizmodo has a gallery of many pictures of Dotcom, including several detailing the places where he hammer-timed.

It would seem that like drugs or any other large-scale crime, copyright theft pays, at least for a time. It's also worth noting that this case seems like a pretty good reason why SOPA/PIPA simply aren't needed. To wit, law enforcement agencies already have many effective tools to combat online piracy.

Apparently, a number of customers in Canada have purchased iPads from legitimate retail stores like Best Buy, only to find that instead they've received a lump of clay shaped like an iPad. When Mark Sandhu and his wife opened their iPad box on Christmas Eve, they were left to utter a Charlie Brown-esqe "I got a rock". Ultimately though, it seems to have turned out alright.

Sandhu and his wife have received an apology from the company plus a full refund. They also received a new iPad 2 as compensation for their troubles.

“…I tripped and I ended up in one of the boats. That's how I found myself in the lifeboat.”

If you find the captain's story hard to believe, you're not alone. Even more unbelievable, however, is the ship's choice of music.

Please learn more about these bills in this video and through the EFF. If you're an American citizen, take action by contacting your local politicians through the EFF link. Urge your senators and congressman to vote against these dangerous, unnecessary bills.

Proposed slogans for this 24-hour rose seller:

• For all your late-night fuck-ups [Link]

• Make it more than a booty call!

• Price? You're buying roses in the middle of the night. The price is the least of your concerns.

• It's 3 AM – maybe you're hungry enough to eat a rose?

The company implemented a New Year’s surcharge that stuck San Francisco-based Uber user Dan Darcy with a $63 bill for traveling 0.73 miles. (That’s a rate of $86.30 per mile.)

You could probably get someone to carry you on their back for that rate. Uber calls this "surge pricing", and it could be a logical way to lower demand. Uber's ham-fisted way of presenting the whole thing, however, may help them reduce bring demand down to zero.

The article also mentions that Coca-Cola once tested a vending machine that raised prices when it was hot out. Now that is evil.

It's a simple but good joke, with an amusing name (and a great avatar to go with it). It gets even better when you check out @StealthMountain's favorites too, to see all manner of indignant replies from the grammatically challenged.

Like everything at Building #19, these signs were very, very cheap.

Three Questions for This Typo-tastic Sign

• Doesn't it seem like, instead of giving up on the signs and selling them for pennies on the dollar, the manufacturer could just have painted that "L" into an "I?

• Even without the typo, who exactly wants a sign that just says "Apple Pies" anyway?

• Can you believe cell phone cameras were ever this bad?

Footnotes:

1. Phones (and their cameras) have changed a lot since then, but Building 19's website hasn't.   ↩

Kennedy and his church had ownership of the building transferred to them in 1997 after the previous owner, a Klansman, quarreled with his fellow Klan members, particularly the store proprietor. The Klansman gave the building to Kennedy's church after the two developed a "spiritual relationship," according to the judge in the case.

Awkward.

In similar news, Dallas has effectively decriminalized theft under $50.

So I think we should only get 3 honks a month on the car horn, because people honk the car horn too much. 3 honks, that's the limit. And then someone cuts you off, you press your horn and nothing happens. You're like "SHIT, I wish I wouldn't have seen Ricky, on the sidewalk!"

-Mitch Hedberg

Can you tell I live near a major intersection?

Great work, PayPal.

TMN Editor Leah Finnegan
Some rich people got married.